Phang Ah Keong (1944-2011)

Departed peacefully at 410 pm, 11th August, 2011

Buddhist funeral at Nirvana Memorial Centre

I’m glad that mother and sister are happy with the simple and meaningful Buddhist funeral arrangement. I’m very grateful and satisfied with the service offered by the  funeral director/consultant from Malaysian Buddhist Cooperative Society (MBCS).

The last moments…

Immediate family members were all around in Kuala Lumpur Hospital to say the final goodbye. Dad, please feel free to go peacefully, I’ll take good care of mother and sister…

I’m glad that I was able to be at my father’s side during his last moments, holding his hand, reciting prayers, rejoicing-transferring merits…till his breathing finally stopped & the ECG reading became flat…

And we then called in the tissue/organ donation team & the funeral director…

It’s a beautiful end of a master piece of life…before the next song begins… 🙂

 

Eulogy: Goodbye Dad…

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

On behalf of my family members, I would like to express our deepest appreciation for your presence tonight in my dad’s funeral service. It really means a lot my dad & family members. Bro. Tan Ho Soon, Sadhu (Excellent) for the Dhamma (Buddhist teaching) sharing despite a short notice. Nalanda Sunday School & BMV’s ‘Yesterday’ choir groups, thank you for the wonderful offering of hymns to my dad. The singing is wonderful & it sounds heavenly; you all will be invited to sing again when it’s time for me to go.

Prior to my dad’s passing away, he has actually been hospitalized for more than 2 months in Kuala Lumpur Hospital. It has been a very difficult time for me & family. But I consider myself as having the special privilege of taking a life-awakening course; D.O.S.E 103 – Dad, Old Age, Sickness & Expiration. It’s 103 because the latest was his 3rd hospitalization in the last one year; 1st for back pain & spinal surgery, 2nd for stomach ulcer & bleeding, and the last, i.e. 103 which finally took his life away. This has been a very tough course. Yet, I have gained some meaningful insights that I would like to humbly share with you. I have relearned & have better glimpse about the realities of old age, sickness & death.

D.O.S.E. lesson I – Life is Uncertain, Death is Certain! For the past 2 months, I have tried my very best to mobilize medical, surgical, nursing & psycho-spiritual support for my dad. As a good- enough doctor who has served in the same hospital for a decade, I have slight advantage of accessing the possible best medical care in the hospital for my dad. My dad has been seen by almost every specialist in the hospital, except obstetrician, gynecologist & pediatrician. Yet, when it’s time for him to go, he has to go. This is the reality of life; old age, sickness & deaths are inevitable; they are part & parcel of life. Yes, we should listen to doctor’s advice to take good care of our health. That’s good; it reduces the risk of falling sick & prolongs life. Yet, when it’s time to go, we still have to go. Hence, we should live well in the present moments. Live meaningfully so that when it’s time for us to go, we can go peacefully with no regret. There’s a wonderful saying; when we were born, we cried, others laughed…when we die, others may cry, we should laugh. We should laugh because we have lived our life well with no regret. We should laugh because of all the wonderful things that we have done in life. We should laugh because we have left behind a beautiful legacy. This is how I remind myself to live my life.

D.O.S.E. lesson II – Life Never Dies! Although life is uncertain, death is certain, yet life never dies. Similarly, although my dad has passed away, his life never dies. My dad is a very hardworking person. My mum used to say that his life is ‘pai meah’ (in hokien which means pathetic life, as he needs to work so hard to survive). To me, dad is a very hardworking person, and that’s his strength. The virtues of perseverance, determination and patience describe my dad well. I still remember the days when I was a kid & I joined my dad to work part time in Uncle David’s newly established company. My dad could work for long hours; there were times, including weekends that we worked till late at night. We would then return home on his motorbike (before he had a car later), sometimes in the rain from Subang Jaya to Brickfields. That’s my dad, a very hard working person. That part of him never dies, because I’m also a very hard working person. Up to the days before my dad passed away, I was still actively seeing patients, teaching medical students in the same hospital, and dedicated all merits to my dad for a speedy recovery. I will continue to work hard meaningfully, out of gratitude & in memory of my beloved dad.

My dad is also good in handicraft and artwork. He’s good in making lanterns, kites, little sculptures, etc. He’s always very good in coming out with new ideas & improvising things; an innovative & creative person. That part of him never dies too as I’m also an innovative & creative person, just in different areas of life, e.g. education. My dad is extremely good in house maintenance; he’s multipurpose at home. Radio, TV, refrigerator, clocks, iron, rice cooker, lights, fan, toilet, etc., he can fix them all; he’s the man, he’s the hero. Shame to say, I have not inherited that from him. But that too never dies, as this special and irreplaceable part of him will remain in my memory forever.

My dad has now physically passed away. Yet some parts of his body will remain, even after his cremation tomorrow. Many people who know me & met my dad for the first time often comment, “You look exactly like your dad.” Yes, especially the characteristic big onion-like nose & small ‘sepet’ eyes. You can also witness a female version of those in my sister. These parts of him never die. As my sister & I found my father’s blood donation book, we proudly discovered that he had donated a total of 20 pints of blood in his lifetime. That’s equivalent to the total blood volume of 2 adult human beings. My dad has also just donated his corneas right after he passed away, and they can benefit 2 human beings. Now we can see that many of my dad’s body really never die. That’s indeed a very meaningful way of dying. Following my father’s footstep, I have also pledged my organs, and I hope you too will consider that if you haven’t done so. What is life after death? Life after death is what we leave behind for those who are living.

D.O.S.E. lesson III – What if I’m dying soon? As I come face-to-face with my dad’s mortality, I have repeatedly asked myself the question, “If I’m dying soon, would I be still doing what I’m doing?” I’m grateful that my answer has been persistently, “Yes, I will still be doing most of the things that I’m doing now.” I’m grateful that I get to do the things that I like to do. I’m grateful that I’m capable & have the chance to serve the community, be a good doctor/psychiatrist, lecturer/teacher, a son to support my parents, and a brother to guide my sister. Though not 100% yet, I’m glad that I’m quite ready to go peacefully whenever it’s times up for me. Meanwhile I’ll continue with whatever meaningful things that I’m doing, even more diligently now as I witness acutely the impermanence of life through my dad’s passing away. That’s also the way how I immortalize my beloved dad.

Dad, may you move on, life after life, better & better, happier & happier, till final enlightenment. You’ll always remain in my mind and my life…

Thank you.

Nirvana Memorial Centre

13/8/2011